There is a myth that adoption means a safe and loving home. Adoption Truth and Transparency Worldwide Information Network and Instagram @AdoptionTruth

Debunking the Myth: Adoption and the Notion of a ‘Safe and Loving’ Home

The Facade of Perfection

In the realm of adoption, a widespread misconception exists that an adopted home is synonymous with a “safe and loving” environment. However, this oversimplified belief fails to consider the intricate dynamics and challenges that can arise within adoptive families. In this article, we delve into the myth of adoption as an unequivocally secure and affectionate space, shedding light on the complexities that families and individuals may encounter on their adoption journey.

Unmasking the Myth

They say, “Adoption is a beautiful way to build a family and provide a child with a nurturing environment.” Yet, portraying adoption as a utopian setting of endless love and flawless parenting is unrealistic. Like any other family structure, adoptive families are not immune to the struggles and conflicts that can arise in any household.

Challenges Faced by Adoptive Families

  1. Identity and Belonging: Adopted people often grapple with questions of identity and belonging. They may feel disconnected from their biological roots, leading to a sense of confusion and identity crisis. Addressing these concerns requires sensitivity and open communication from adoptive parents.
  2. Attachment and Bonding: While love could be present in adoptive families, building the foundation of trust and attachment is a gradual process. It is often found that adoptive parents have insecurities that affect their ability to form secure attachments. Adoptive parents need to invest time, empathy, understanding, and effort to establish strong emotional bonds with their newly adopted child.
  3. Grief and Loss: Adoptive parents should be attuned to their own emotions of loss and grief of not having a biological child and not assume that adopting someone else’s child will fix their pain and trauma.
  4. Expectations and Realities: Adoptive parents may enter the journey with high expectations, thinking that once they have a child, this will ‘complete’ their family. This is called the ‘honeymoon’ stage, and once it is over, a high amount of letdown happens. In many cases, it causes the adoptive parent to not be able to bond with their newly adopted child.  This causes great concern and can strain relationships and require long-term counseling.

Promoting a Truly ‘Safe and Loving’ Adoptive Home

Rather than perpetuating the notion of a picture-perfect adoption experience, it is essential to acknowledge the complexity of this journey and embrace the challenges that may arise. Here are a few ways to foster a genuinely safe and loving adoptive home:

  1. Open Dialogue with Your Spouse: Encourage open and honest conversations about adoption, emotions, and identity. Create an environment where you are free to express your thoughts and concerns. Be honest with yourself and as a couple. Talk about whose idea it was to adopt. Was it in an effort to heal the wounds or insecurities of the other person? Do you think caring for a child that is not blood born to you will fix your problems?
  2. Patience and Understanding: Recognize that building strong bonds takes time. Show patience, empathy, and understanding within yourself and your partner. Be okay with yourself if the answer is no.
  3. Education and Support: Seek resources and workshops and read books written by people who are adopted. Do your research. These platforms offer insights, tools, and information that can be invaluable in addressing adoption-related challenges. Because they live adoption every day, they are the true experts in the subject. Would you be okay if they grew up being activists to stop the business of adoption?
  4. Truly love yourself


In dispelling the myth of adoption as an effortlessly ‘safe and loving’ home, we embrace the multifaceted nature of adoption and the diverse experiences of adopted people themselves that accompany it. By acknowledging challenges, nurturing understanding, and cultivating open dialogue, adoptive families can create an environment that truly reflects love, compassion, and commitment – qualities that transcend the myth and make a real difference in the lives of those involved.