The Truth About Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Adoption
Adoption agencies and so-called “experts” often claim that adopted individuals struggle with bonding due to a condition called Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). However, this is a misleading and harmful narrative that shifts the blame onto adoptees instead of addressing the true cause: the trauma of being separated from their biological mother at birth. RAD is not a disorder in that something is inherently wrong with the child—it is a completely natural response to a profoundly unnatural experience.
The Mother-Infant Bond: A Critical Connection
For nine months, an infant and mother exist in a deep, inseparable bond—both spiritually and physically. The mother’s voice, heartbeat, and scent provide the baby’s first sense of safety and belonging. Separating a child from their mother at birth disrupts this fundamental attachment, creating distress that can last a lifetime. This is not a disorder—it is grief, loss, and trauma.
Society acknowledges the importance of keeping animals with their mothers for a set period. Puppies and kittens are not taken from their mothers immediately after birth because it is understood that this separation causes distress and developmental issues. Yet human infants are frequently taken from their mothers at birth for adoption, and when they show distress, the adoption agencies pathologize them rather than understand them.
Adoption Profiteers Shift the Blame
The adoption industry thrives on narratives that make adoption seem necessary, and adoptees seem “defective” if they struggle. Blaming the adoptee for difficulty bonding is a convenient way to divert attention from the real issue: unnecessary separation of families. By framing Reactive Attachment Disorder as an ‘adoptee’ disorder, adoption profiteers protect their business model while forcing adoptees to bear the burden of this damaging label. Rather than taking responsibility, they shift the blame onto adoptees for not being able to ‘adapt’ or, worse, accuse them of being incapable of bonding with their adopters—justifying rehoming when an adoption is deemed unsuccessful or disrupted. In reality, it’s the adopters who have trouble bonding with their adopted child, while the adopted person is reacting naturally from being separated from their original parents and families.
The Psychological Toll of Forced Separation
The separation of mother and child through adoption has long-term consequences that adoption agencies rarely disclose. Studies show that adoptees are at higher risk for:
- Suicide: Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than non-adopted individuals.
- Mental Health Struggles: Higher rates of depression, anxiety, and identity struggles are common among adoptees.
- Difficulty in Forming Attachments: What is labeled as RAD is often a protective mechanism developed by children who have been through trauma. It is not an inherent flaw but a rational response to loss and fear.
- Lifelong Family Separation: Once an adoption is finalized, it legally severs all ties between the child and their biological family, often making reunion difficult, if not impossible.
Preventing Unnecessary Family Separation: Real Solutions
Rather than normalizing adoption and labeling adoptees as broken and needing to be ‘saved,’ we must work toward preventing unnecessary separations. Here’s how:
- Original Family First: Instead of removing children from struggling families, offer financial, emotional, (non-adoption) counseling and community support to keep families together.
- Stop Adoption Practices: Adoption should be a last resort, not a first option. Guardianship and care with biological family connections should be prioritized. Closed adoption should not be an option.
- Adoption Trauma-Informed Care: Instead of treating adoptees as if they are inherently flawed, adoptive parents and professionals should educate themselves on the origins of adoption trauma and reactive attachment issues stemming from loss and grieving over adopter’s fertility issues.
- Adopters Need A Hard Look Within: Stop looking at adoption as a solution to fertility issues.
- Transparency and Accountability: Adoption agencies must be held accountable for deceptive practices that separate families unnecessarily.
- UNCRC vs. Hague Adoption Convention: Stop the heartbreaking legalization of family separation in the U.S.
The true disorder lies in a system that continues to separate mothers and children under the guise of “rescue” and “better opportunities.” If society cared about children, it would focus on keeping families together, not profiting from their separation.
It’s time to stop blaming adoptees for their natural trauma response and start holding the adoption industry accountable for the harm it causes. The solution isn’t to diagnose and medicate adoptees—it’s to prevent adoptions in the first place and support the original family unit.
