What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

According to the medical diagnosis, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a condition where children have difficulty forming healthy emotional bonds with their caregivers. This theory accuses the adopted child of an inability to attach to their new caregivers, leading to behaviors such as avoiding or resisting physical and emotional closeness. One should know that it’s difficult and a natural response for anyone to ‘attach’ to strangers, but adoptive parents use RAD to place blame on the child when bonding is not happening the way they (adopters) wish it would, and the adoption industry can use it to accuse and deflect their responsibility of separating mothers and fathers from their children and the negative effects it has on children.

“Bowlby suggested maternal deprivation disrupted the attachment process and could result in long-term emotional, social, and cognitive problems.” Article from VerywellMind, The Biography of Psychologist John Bowlby, The Founder of Attachment Theory

The Emotional Impact of Infertility and Unmet Expectations

Many adoptive parents come into the adoption process with unresolved grief from infertility or the loss of the opportunity to have biological children. This grief can impede their ability to form a strong emotional bond with their adopted child. The child, who is reacting normally to a new and unfamiliar situation, may be met with emotional resistance from the adoptive parents, exacerbating the issues of attachment.

Why do Adoptive Parents Have Unrealistic Expectations and Disappointments in Adopting a Child?

Adoptive parents often harbor an idealized vision of creating a family, which can be shattered when faced with the reality that an adopted child is not their true biological offspring. This realization can lead to a struggle in forming genuine emotional connections, as the child is seen as a replacement for a biological child rather than an individual in their own right.

Could it be that the adoption industry has used the “Attachment Theory”  often used to describe adopted children’s inability to ‘attach’ to their adopters, to place blame on the adopted infant rather than acknowledging their role in separating infants from their real mothers?

What is The Myth of the “Perfect Bond”

Are Adoptive Parents Replacing Biological Children with Adopted Ones?

Adoptive parents sometimes attempt to replace the loss of a biological child with an adopted one, projecting their grief, desires, dreams, and expectations onto the child. This dynamic can hinder the natural bonding process, as the parents may struggle to accept the child for who they are rather than who they wish to be.

Why Adoptive Parents Need Counseling and Emotional Support

Adoptive parents need to address their grief and unmet expectations through counseling and emotional support. Without this crucial step, the parents’ unresolved emotions create an environment where healthy attachment is difficult.

Understanding the Role of Adoptive Parents with RAD

Adoptive parents must approach the process with understanding and patience, recognizing that the child reacts normally to a new and challenging situation. The parents are responsible for creating a safe and supportive environment where the child feels secure enough to form emotional bonds. They must not blame the adopted child for acting naturally, especially when placed in a forced adoption.

The More Humane Approach: Adoption as a Last Resort, Not as a Business.

Adoption should be considered a last resort, per the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) principles. This ensures that all other options have been explored and that the adoption is genuinely in the child’s best interest, not a means to fulfill the parents’ desires.

Conclusion

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in adoption is a complex issue that places the blame on the adopted child. Adoption Truth examines Adoptive parents’ unresolved grief, unmet expectations, and emotional resistance, which play a significant role in the development of RAD. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for creating a supportive environment where healthy emotional bonds can form. Adopters should go to counseling and be realistic when it comes to adoption. They also must understand that having ‘expectations’ only causes disappointments. No one should expect the adopted child to solve any issues because the act of separating a mother and her child is not healthy for both mother and child.  Ultimately, the child should rather be brought up by their original families when possible, and the adoptive parents, if they truly had the child’s best interest at heart, would keep the adoption open so the child can have a lifelong relationship with their blood family.

Before Deciding to Adopt:

Couples must ask themselves several critical questions to ensure they are fully prepared for the responsibilities and emotional challenges ahead. They should reflect on their motivations for adopting: Is this truly in the child’s best interest, or is it an attempt to fill a void or “fix” a personal sense of unfulfillment? Adopted parents will only have disappointments when their own expectations are not being met by the child. Adopters need to understand their own emotional state and acknowledge how their unresolved pain and anger could potentially be projected onto the child, affecting their ability to bond with the child that is not DNA connected to them. They must also consider the profound impact adoption has on the child, who is forced into this arrangement without consent, losing their lineage, clan, and heritage in the process. Having adopted people’s true identity being kept from them will also affect their well-being in the future. This self-awareness and honest evaluation are crucial in determining whether adopters will project their own attachment disorder onto the adopted child.

Master Adoption: Claim Your Authentic Power