Discover the truth behind Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adoption.
Explore how Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder, rooted in unresolved infertility issues, affects adoptees and why adoption should never be a solution to infertility.
Adoption Profiteers Shift the Blame
The adoption industry thrives on narratives that portray adoption as necessary and adoptees as “defective” if they struggle. Blaming adoptees for difficulties in bonding conveniently diverts attention from the true issue: the unnecessary separation of families. By labeling Reactive Attachment Disorder as an “adoptee” disorder, adoption profiteers protect their business model while forcing adoptees to bear the weight of this harmful stigma. Instead of accepting responsibility, they shift the blame onto adoptees for not being able to “adapt” or, worse, accuse them of being incapable of bonding with their adopters—justifying rehoming when an adoption is deemed unsuccessful or disrupted. In reality, it is often the adopters who struggle to bond with the adopted child, while the adoptee’s response is a natural reaction to the trauma of being separated from their original parents and family.
What is Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder?
Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder is a rarely acknowledged mental health condition that affects an adopter’s ability to form healthy, secure attachments with their adopted child. Often kept hidden from public view, this disorder is characterized by significant disturbances in emotional and interpersonal relationships that arise when adopters struggle to bond with the child they have adopted.
Root Causes of Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder
This disorder often stems from the adopter’s unprocessed grief, guilt, shame, and embarrassment over their own fertility issues, which they may avoid confronting. As a result, these unresolved emotions manifest in harmful ways, including resentment toward raising “someone else’s child” and labeling the child’s original mother with cruel and demeaning names. Over time, the adopter’s anger, resentment, fear, shame, and disappointment—especially when the adopted child does not meet their expectations or when the initial “honeymoon phase” fades—can increase the child’s risk of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse.
The Harmful Impact on Adoptees.
Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder leads to severe consequences for adoptees, who are often unjustly blamed for the disrupted relationships. Symptoms of this disorder in adopters include neglect of the child’s basic needs, emotional and/or physical abuse, gaslighting, blame-shifting, aggressive behavior, and placing undue guilt and responsibility on the adopted child. This dynamic leaves adoptees vulnerable to trauma, further compounding the emotional damage caused by their initial separation from their original families.
Why Adoption Should Never Be a Solution to Infertility
Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder highlights the critical need for professionals—including doctors, lawyers, social workers, and adoption agencies—to avoid recommending adoption as a solution to infertility. Adoption should be about providing a safe and loving home for children who genuinely need one, not as a means to fill a void left by unaddressed fertility challenges. Keeping original families intact must come first, ensuring that they are placed in environments where they can thrive without the burden of their adopters’ unresolved issues.
What Does the Adoption Industry Need to be Held Accountable For?
The adoption industry must be held accountable for perpetuating harmful narratives that place undue blame on adoptees. Recognizing Adoptive Parent Attachment Disorder is essential to addressing the real issues within adoption and protecting the well-being of adopted children. It is time to shift the focus from blaming adoptees to supporting them and ensuring that adoption practices prioritize the best interests of the child over profit-driven motives.