If you’re here because you’re considering adoption or simply curious, welcome.
You’re likely wondering if adoption could be the answer to building your family or “giving a child a better life.” But before you go further down the path of what’s marketed as a noble, selfless act, we invite you to pause.
What if the truth is that adoption is not the beautiful journey you’ve been told?
What if the very system you are about to buy into causes long-term trauma—especially to the one person you claim to want to help: the child?
This blog, written from a perspective that centers adopted people and birth families, reveals the hidden truths behind the adoption industry, the unspoken grief, and the long-term damage adoption often causes.
1. Adoption Is Marketed as a “Solution”—But for Whom?
Adoption is often presented as a win-win situation. The couple gets the child they’ve always dreamed of. The child is “rescued.” A family is created. But who truly benefits?
Let’s be honest: most people adopt to solve their own personal problem—infertility. While painful, infertility is not a child’s burden to fix. Adoption profiteers sell the dream that adopting is a charitable, loving solution when it is actually an emotional transaction based on loss, trauma, and unmet adult desires.
As adoption agency ads say: “Make your dreams come true. Complete your family.”
What they don’t say is: “This child will lose their family, name, culture, and identity forever.”
2. The Adoption Industry Monetizes Pain and Loss
Adoption is a multibillion-dollar industry. Agencies, lawyers, facilitators, and even religious organizations profit from the transfer of children from poor families to wealthy ones.
The child becomes a product.
The parents are the consumers.
And the sales pitch? Charity. Saving. Completing a family. Nobody wants to be a charity case.
What gets erased from the narrative is the child’s original family, who may have been vulnerable, poor, coerced, or never actually “unfit.”
3. The Real Journey: From Honeymoon to Heartache
Adoption is often hyped as a joyful journey. But what happens after the #GotchaDay photos fade?
Adoptive parents are often shocked by the reality:
- The child doesn’t behave like their biological child would.
- Bonding is difficult.
- There’s a growing feeling of disconnection.
- Extended family members show disinterest—or disapproval.
- The husband (or wife) isn’t as committed as expected.
This is not what they signed up for.
The “adoption journey” ends in a cul-de-sac of confusion, disappointment, and silence.
4. They Wanted a Child. Not This Child.
The truth hurts: many adoptive parents develop resentment because the child doesn’t live up to their expectations. The physical appearance is different. The personality is unfamiliar. Talents and behaviors don’t match the family.
Why?
Because DNA matters. Biology matters.
And instead of acknowledging their own struggle to connect, some adoptive parents blame the child—or worse, try to mold the child into someone they’re not.
5. Reactive Attachment Disorder Is a Two-Way Street
Adoptive parents often point fingers at the child, accusing them of “RAD”—Reactive Attachment Disorder.
But here’s the truth: many adoptive parents bring their own unresolved trauma, emotional baggage, and expectations that make bonding impossible.
It’s not just the child who struggles to attach.
It’s the parent who doesn’t know how to love someone so different from them.
6. Adoption Is More Work Than They Expected
Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with trauma, loss, and a completely different genetic blueprint is even harder.
Most adoptive parents were never prepared for the long-term care and commitment these children need—emotionally, culturally, mentally.
And when it gets tough? The system offers little support.
Some children are even “rehomed” like pets, discarded for being too “difficult”.
7. Suicide and Depression: The Quiet Crisis in Adoption
Studies from Winston-Salem State University and Lynn Zubov’s The Impact of Adoption reveal:
- Adoptees are 35x more likely to attempt suicide.
- Natural mothers are 37x more likely to attempt suicide.
- Natural mothers are 600x more likely to die by suicide.
Polls conducted by Adoption Truth and Transparency Network reveal:
- 90% of adoptees report prolong feelings of sadness or depression.
- 67% lack the confidence that the adoption was completely ethical.
This is not a “happy ending.” This is a silent crisis.
8. The Falsified Birth Certificate: A Human Rights Violation
In adoption, the child receives a falsified birth certificate, erasing their original parents and replacing them with the adoptive couple.
This legal lie is:
- A violation of identity.
- A barrier to knowing one’s medical history.
- A roadblock to finding their birthright family.
- A safety risk in a volatile political environment.
Why are adoptees the only citizens denied access to their true birth records?
9. Severed for Life: No, the Child Wasn’t “Saved”
Adoption permanently severs the bond between a child and their family of origin. This is not a “gift.” It’s a loss.
- No access to lineage.
- No knowledge of ancestry.
- No rights to heritage or cultural inheritance.
The child wasn’t saved. They were erased.
10. What They Don’t Tell You About Grown Adoptees
When adopted children grow up, the consequences of adoption become clearer:
- Identity confusion
- Inability to set healthy boundaries
- Disrupted attachment in adult relationships
- Chronic anxiety, depression, and grief
Adoptees often spend decades searching for the truth of who they are—while fighting a system that works to keep that truth hidden.
11. The Hard Questions No One Wants to Ask
Adoptive parents are rarely asked to confront the deeper emotional truths:
- Are you adopting to heal from infertility?
- Have you grieved the loss of a potential biological child?
- Are you projecting your expectations onto a child who doesn’t share your DNA?
- Can you parent a child who may never love you back the way you imagined?
Adoption agencies don’t ask these questions. But we do.
12. What You Can Do Instead
If you truly want to help a child, consider ethical alternatives:
- Kinship care
- Legal guardianship without identity erasure
- Family preservation programs
- Supporting vulnerable mothers so they can raise their own children
Don’t support a system that profits from the destruction of families.
Adoption Isn’t What You Think
Adoption has been sold as a dream—a calling, a journey, a second chance.
But for the adopted person, it often feels like a life sentence of loss, confusion, and grief.
If you truly care about children, listen to those who have lived adoption.
Not the smiling agency rep. Not the influencer sharing “Gotcha Day” photos.
But the adoptee who’s trying to piece their life back together.
Resources:
- Only in Adoption Poll – by Adoption Truth and Transparency Network
- The Impact of Adoption – Lynn Zubov, Winston-Salem State University
- Against Child Trafficking USA – for education and advocacy
- Adoption: What You Should Know – by Rev. Dr. Janine Myung Ja
- Korean Adoptees Worldwide – for global adoptee rights
Author Note:
This post is not anti-parent. It’s pro-truth. It’s pro-human rights.
It’s time we prioritize the rights of the child over the desires of adults.
It’s time we ask the hard questions—because that’s what real love demands.
